Oxygen Deprivation is my Friend

June 10, 2009


Where do I even start here? Where? Something’s just weird about me here, there, and everywhere. Is it because I have a wicked huge forehead, strangely reminiscent of a man’s? Is it the country club-esque sweater that’s knotted around my neck, but on closer inspection actually looks like a big black neck-flower? Or is it the fact that I seem to be holding my breath and grimacing, so much so that if I did have a baby inside, which I’m pretty sure I don’t, I would be denying it the necessary flow of oxygen to its tiny brain? Whatever the reason, I sure as heck wish I really was pregnant, for it would explain my quite inexplicable top-heaviness. And wideness.

Verdict: Certainly not pregnant, but certainly creepy.


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