Up in the Air

May 28, 2009

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I know my arms are deceptively placed while texting here to give the illusion of a normal body. Uh-uh, it’s just not true. I think I’m pregnant. Or a little fusky (that’s a husky female for you young’uns). I know it’s not a great picture of me, but MAN you should have seen the side angle!  Anyhow, if you really care, you’ll see upon closer investigation that despite my nice black top, it’s pretty obvious I’m definitely pregnant. Or I could just be fat.

Verdict: Probably just fat.

Wear Pink to Unflatter Curves

Yeah yeah, I’m awesome but I know what you’re thinking. Is the title above my portrait using “Unflatter” as an adjective or a verb? Does it really matter? I decided that when I went out today, I’d show the world that coral pink is the new black. I also love the fact that when I’m standing at the deli counter, my belly sticks out more than anything else. Don’t you just love the cute little bow that’s partially obscured by my belly? I just know I look good, but am I also carrying a child? I could be, or I could just be fat.

Verdict: Fat.

The Blonde Orphan Annie Conundrum

When little orphan Annie came out in the movies and on Broadway, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up: A blonde, 30-year-old, sorta-maybe-couldbe preggers Annie. I ditched the red dress with that dreary white collar for a hip, vintage pink potato sack that truly accentuates my curves. Am I pregnant? That little hump is awfully realistic and could be another dyed-blonde starlet, or it could just mean I’m fat.

Verdict: Your guess is as good as mine.

Welcome to Pregnant Or Fat, the site that devotes hours every day to researching and analyzing whether everyday people are pregnant, fat, or somewhere in between. While this site may be misconstrued as being quite mean, no actual offense is meant. Obviously there are those of us who have thyroid problems, various diseases, hereditary weight problems, etc. Perhaps some of us just gave birth! Maybe we’re in the process of losing 10, 50, or 100 pounds, and we’re well on the way to our goal. Well, our respect and congrats go out to each and every one of you. It’s no matter; we’re all still fodder for Pregnant or Fat! No man, child, or senior citizen will escape the eyes of the non-preggers (but not necessarily non-fat) photographers! Read on…